why didn't you poke me back
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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