Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I supernannyed him into submission
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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