I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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