We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
tell me about the fingering
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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