dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
