I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
