Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
