and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
