Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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