Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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