'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
