remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Non-Jews are for practice
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
