What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
