Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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