We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
