So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
