i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
