I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You've changed since you got that strap on
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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