I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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