Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
