Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
