Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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