My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
