if you like me you must not know who I am
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
