she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
