dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
