we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
