This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
