I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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