u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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