Only a mothe r could love this liver
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
