the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just cropdusted the office
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
