he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
