"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
