Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
