its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
