There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
