There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Randomize
