Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
