the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
