At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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