Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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