If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
