I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
How does one acquire holy water?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
