I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
