The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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