rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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