Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
