I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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