We won't sleep together?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
